yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This house was built for laser tag.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize