I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bring me that man meat
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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