If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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