when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
