so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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