Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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