good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
