"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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