I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
