dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
