I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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