I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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