Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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