it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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