batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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