Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
