totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
