I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
