So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
