Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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