take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize