i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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