So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
