I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
