I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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