she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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