Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
