new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hippo gnu deer
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
