Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
