i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
