You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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