woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
