I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
