kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
