Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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