One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
