it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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