and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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