I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
