So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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