listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
home. puking in laundry basket.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
