I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
