Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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