some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
