Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i need some magic done to my vagina
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
