My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
