I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize