Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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