I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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