i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
