He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize