so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
