Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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