i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
