I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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