My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i dont even know how to be here
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
