Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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