He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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