He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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