It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
