Soap is not a condiment
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
