Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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