The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
