Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
