I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize