Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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