We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize