In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
zippers are such a cool invention
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
