I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
