Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
