hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
