If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
