I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
