If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
