Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
