im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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