I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
