Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
