I'm going to jail i love you
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
