this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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