Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
