i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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